Second child guilt.
Laying in bed tonight with my snoozing Scotti I can’t help but feel guilty and quite honestly, a little sad. For the last 6 (almost 7) years it’s just been her and I. From the second she was born she has gone anywhere and everywhere with me. To say we’ve been through lots together is an understatement. She has been my ray of sunshine, my pride and joy, and my one true love. All throughout my pregnancy I’ve worried how a new addition would affect the bond between us.
I know this is a normal feeling for mamas when they’re on the verge of the second being born, and it’s hitting me hard. I almost feel as if it’s selfish of me to invite another child into our special bond. How could I do that to her? Could I possibly love this second child as much as I love her? Will S think I love her less, that I betrayed her? Will we ever get to be just the two of us again? No. It won’t ever just be the two of us again. She won’t ever be my youngest baby. Ever. Again. It’s bittersweet. Of course, I know I’ll love Wolfe and I know my bond with Scotti will remain and that I’ll have a completely different bond with my son then I’ll have with my daughter.
Most nights I lay in bed and worry about how I’m going to make each one of them feel special in their own way and give them the one on time they need. I already feel as if there isn’t enough hours in the day. Alas, I’m confident it will all work out fine and I know Scotti will be a big help with brother.
Future me is looking forward to girl dates and a partner in crime when it comes to stinky boys. My Scotti girl will forever be the reigning princess of the house and I’m quite ok with it. Luckily, she is 7 going on 17 and this means late night chats about alllll the yuck in the world. We came to an agreement, I’m the big Mama and she’s the little Mama. No doubt she will deliver all the little Mama love a big sis has to offer. Life will be chaos (as if it’s not already) but I’m sure we’ll find our jam like we always do. Here’s to new brothers and maintaining the kick-ass girl duo we are today. I love you my Scotti!